Trey's Way

My dear friend Jerene has recently inspired me to blog my own grief journey.  I am grateful to her for that among so many other reasons.  I consider myself a “writer” and find it a little peculiar that it’s taken me this long, but grief knows no logic nor timeline I’m learning.  So, here it begins.  I may move forward and backward in time, but the scope of this journey will hopefully come across nonetheless. 

I would be remiss if my first blog was not about how this whole blog came to fruition in the first place: Jerene and her baby boy Landon.  

When I first lost Trey to SIDS, I was frantically searching for answers, for solace, for understanding.  In a matter of days after losing Trey, I joined a SIDS Support Group on Facebook.  I needed to connect to other parents, other stories.  I needed to hear, “Me too.”  I needed to know I wasn’t alone.  I continued to check in on the page from time to time over the next months, but quietly decided that I wanted to define my own grief on my own terms.  To quote my late friend Amy Boe’s mother Susan Greer, “When Amy died, many people who had been through something similar reached out to me. I rejected them all. I did not want to be mired in their version of grief.” I will never ever forget that.  I couldn’t agree or relate to that sentiment more.  I did not want to be mired in their version of grief…

So that’s what I did.  I stopped going to those online support groups…until I was expecting my second child a month after my eldest passed.  I won’t speak much of that group other than that it’s called “Life After SIDS: Rainbow Baby Support”.  I couldn’t have made it through my pregnancy without the hope and reassurance those women provided and I couldn’t be more eternally grateful.  But even that ended after I had Flynn.  It served a beautiful purpose, but I didn’t feel that I needed it any longer.

So, here’s where things get serendipitous. On the morning of December 10th, I had the most bizarre thought (but as I’m learning, there really are no bizarre thoughts in a SIDS parent’s mind!).  I thought, “It’s interesting that you don’t really hear about six month olds passing of SIDS…”. And that was that.  I went about my morning.  Got on my phone, did my normal thing, and just so happened to check the original SIDS support group that I spoke of in the beginning of the blog.  A woman’s post struck me like a lightening bolt.  She lost her six month old son Landon…the night before.  Without thinking, I instantly added her as a friend, sent her a private message apologizing for being so forward but offering any support I could possibly offer.  Her response was beautiful. “Can we exchange phone numbers?”  

We have spoken everyday since and I consider this woman not only a friend, fellow bereaved parent, confidante, but a sister. My family has often referred to Trey as “The Great Unifier”.  He brought people together in his life, and even in his death. It was just his way.  Trey’s way, to be exact. To the moon and back, I love you, Jerene. I’m so grateful our boys brought us together.