Thirty Things I Have Learned in Thirty Years

With my thirtieth birthday fast approaching, I have found myself more contemplative than any prior birthday. I guess i'm a "woman" now?  Ha! Hardly. And sometimes, so fully. The paradoxes of this strange classroom we call Earth can be fascinating, scary and sometimes downright inconvenient. Through the lens of my own experience, I'd like to share a fraction of what I've learned this far...

So, without further adieu...

1. Happiness is an inside job. There is no person, place or thing that can bring you true happiness unless you yourself are...happy. 

2. Thoughts create. This one is so inconvenient. So tricky. And totally worthwhile. Watch what you say. Watch what you think. You are essentially instructing life to bring you the experience. Example: Instead of saying, "I'm so tired of being alone", try, "I look forward to meeting the right people at the right time and at the moment, i'm finding ways to enjoy my own company." Boom. Doesn't that just FEEL better?!

3. Say sorry first, if you can. Fearlessly admit where you were wrong. Make amends. And mean it. Your integrity brings your reputation from golden to sterling with this little nugget alone. 

4. Don't be afraid to have "hard conversations". So much pent up hostility, resentment, misunderstandings and rage come from fear of speaking up. If your relationships matter, do the hard things it takes to make them right. 

5. Vulnerability is your biggest super power. It's disarming. It's real. It's honest. And more often than not, it is met graciously. 

6. You don't need as many friends as you think you do. If you have one or two close friends, you are truly blessed.

7. Wherever you go, there you are. We all have a big case of the "When I's..."  "when I get this promotion, I can be happy." "When I get married, I will finally find peace." "When I take that big vacation I've been meaning to take, then I can really relax". It goes on and on and on. But the truth is, you bring yourself, your thoughts, your attitude, expectations and beliefs wherever you go. And it will not change according to partner, promotion, or location. It's a fruitless search.

8. Ask your parents (and grandparents, if you're really lucky) everything you've ever wanted to know. You will learn so much more than you ever thought you would. There is so much wisdom from their experience. You'll get to know them better and you'll understand yourself better in the process. You'll be glad you did later. 

9. Comparison really IS the thief of joy! Compete with yourself. Try to beat your own personal best. Stay in your lane, eyes fixed forward. Stop  rubbernecking. It clogs up the whole road! 

10. Everyone is lying on social media. Repeat with me. EVERYONE IS LYING ON SOCIAL MEDIA!  Do you REALLY think Nancy is going to post, "I'm having an existential crisis. I don't know if i'm in love with my husband anymore..." Hell freaking NO! She's going to show you the highlight reel. Don't for one second think you're getting an accurate depiction of anyone's life from Facebook or Instagram. It's toxic. 

11. Stop watching so much damn TV. Watch less news. Listen to less horror stories. You are a sponge. You are soaking up every bit of it. Be mindful of what you invite into your mental space.

12. Admit when you're wrong. Say, "I fucked up." You're human. It happens. Just don't pretend like you're not. (NANCY!) It's liberating. It's authentic. It is POWERFUL. 

13. Two things can be true at once. You can accept where you are, for example, while having a fierce desire to grow and change.

14. Read books. Like, the paper ones. 

15. When in doubt, throw it out! We live in so much excess in a consumer driven culture. We can begin to accumulate so much stuff we're not even sure we want. Purge! And do it again. And again. You'll be shocked at how quickly something far more joy-giving will take its place. Possessions carry power and energy. Be careful about what you invite into your space. Try as best as you can to only have the things you *truly* love around you. Create spaciousness in your space and you will find clarity in your mind. (And let go of that Depression Era thinking..."But what if I NEED it one day?!" When was the last time you needed it? Truly? If it's been longer than six months, I promise you, you don't. 

16. And while we're on the topic...let go of your scarcity thinking. There's enough to go around. More than enough. Don't live in lack. It's a major energetic declaration to say, "I'll have what i need when and if I need it. No need to cling and hoard." The universe, God, or whatever you'd like to name that power greater than yourself gives you a standing ovation everytime you are clear about this level of confidence. 

17. Brush your teeth for 2 full minutes! Get one of those sand timers. (Amazon, toothbrush timer).

18. Give thanks for what you've got instead of lamenting about what you don't. For every man complaining about having no shoes, there is a man with no feet.

19. Help another human when you feel depressed. You'll feel better lickety split.

20. Do not just tell the people you love that you love them. Show them. It "sticks" better.

21. Don't regret your past. Any of it. It brought you here. Within it contained hard earned lessons that shaped and formed you. Have reverence for where and who you once were (even if you have to cringe first!).

22. It's the small moments that people remember on their death beds. Not the big ones. Life is comprised of a bunch of little moments that mean a lot. Pay attention. Appreciate it. 

23. Forget the "should haves". There is nothing more toxic and counterproductive than "should-ing all over yourself."

24. Remember that each passing moment is a chance to turn it all around.

25. Depression stems from dwelling in the past and anxiety comes from worrying about the future. Neither truly exist. Can you see them? Can you touch them? No! They are essentially "movies" being played out in your mind. Be here. Now. It's all there really is. 

26. Question your thoughts when they trouble you. 

1. Is it true? 

2. Can you be absolutely SURE it's true?

3. How do you react when you believe that thought? 

4. Who would you be without it? 

And then flip the script! Turn the ship. You will probably find that the very opposite of your troubled thinking is at least as true as your original thought. 

27. Shake it up. Even if it's small. Tiny acts of rebellion make life worth living. 

28. Buy the shoes.

29. Adorn the body you've been given. It's beautiful. (I promise...)

30. Don't sweat the small stuff. (And guess what?! Its almost ALWAYS small stuff...)

Bonus...

99.9% of the things we worry about don't tend to happen. Remember all that stuff you worried about?! Did it happen?  Probably not. 

Everything, and I mean EVERYTHING is "figure-outable."